We hold certain truths within ourselves. These make up a part of the whole of who we are. 

With so much out of my control, I relied on my identity. I can’t count on things working out as planned, but I can relax, knowing who I truly am. 

When life is uncertain, who wouldn’t want some stability? My stable rock was my sense of self. 

Last week, my foundation crumbled, discovering my biological father is a sperm donor. Now I’m not even certain about my ethnicity. 

I take pride in my South Asian heritage. I am a Non-Black Person of Color with more privilege because I am also half British / Irish. Although now I think my roots are still of South Asian descent, the exact location is currently unknown. 

When I think I know myself, the universe instead opens an avenue to learn, unlearn, and grow.

If life was perfect, what would we strive towards? Would we have the courage to keep progressing? 

We are always changing. Our sense of self and self-worth will shift. Each day presents us with choices. What will we do next? 

Thoughts running through my head questioning my identity and ethnicity. Loneliness felt familiar, yet so uncomfortable.

How do we remember who we are after life-altering news? 

I got back up again and took risks.

I ordered a DNA test. I danced by myself in public. I experienced the beauty of New York City where I’m the most me and alive. I spent time with myself. I went out in nature. 

I kept going, even when I have every right not to. I feel my feelings and let them pass. 

As I’ve been saying lately, “This too shall pass gas.” 

I’m finding joy in the humor of life. 

I’m slowly accepting that knowing myself isn’t a destination. It’s an ongoing process. 

It’s okay to question who we are and where we are going in life. It’s alright to feel all that you’re feeling and then to take one step forward.

I don’t know what’s up ahead, but I find hope in being a risk-taker.

Will you take the risk to unlearn and learn more about yourself? Are you willing to release yourself from the illusion of control? 

I’m remembering who I am, simply to forget it all again. This path is not linear. That doesn’t mean I can’t embrace every second. The uncertain and certain moments. The ups and the downs. The times I feel whole and the times something is missing. 

I’m living the fullness of my human experience. 

Keep risking it to discover more of you. We are ever changing, that’s nothing new. 

Copyright © 2021 The Aulakh Initiative

All Rights Reserved.


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